Pain of Love
by Sharem
Summary: A pain drives Fenris together with Anders...this pain...this pain of love...


**Disclaimer**: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware and EA Games

**AN**: Back on the Cheeky Monkeys forum, I had listed some songs that I listen to and asked for possible pairings in order to give me more inspiration to write. _Brelaina_ suggested a Fenris/Anders pairing for _Pain of Love_, a song by the group Tokio Hotel. This is what I've come up with…^_^ And this is my first Fenders story too…XD

If you don't like slash, or M/M pairings, please hit the Back button.

**Warning**: NSFW in the first few paragraphs.

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><p><strong>Pain of Love<strong>

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><p><em>Just after returning from the Deep Roads expedition…<em>

His eyes were shut tightly, feeling the pleasurable sensations his partner was giving him. He tried very hard not to make a sound for fear of someone finding them. However, when he felt a moist wetness around his aching length, Anders whimpered softly. How could this happen? How _could_ he let this happen? His mind was painfully free from Justice's presence at the moment…_Damn you_, Justice! The fade spirit just had to do something about a certain broody elf.

He would give anything, _everything_, to try to escape his current predicament. Yet, what the elf was doing to him right now was muddling his brain, his reasoning. He spent months acting as if he hated the elf, trying to keep the other man far away from him. But that voice…Maker, that voice of his could melt even the hardest of hearts.

Anders felt the pit of his stomach begin to tighten and he knew that he was close to his release. He lowered a hand to Fenris' white hair and tried to push the other away. This only caused the elf to suck harder, his teeth lightly scraping the soft skin of his length. That was just too much for the former Warden and he shuddered as he climaxed, his seed filling the elf's mouth.

He shut his amber eyes as he tipped his head back against the wall Fenris had pushed him on. Anders was glad for the brick wall because it helped keeping him upright. His legs had gone to jelly after the mind-blowing orgasm the elf had just given him. When he opened his eyes, the elf had crossed his arms and was glaring at him.

"Never mention this to anyone, _mage_, or I'll kill you." At that, Fenris wiped his mouth and turned his back, walking away in a furious pace. This left Anders to slowly sink to the ground, his face in his hands.

**XXXX**

_Three years later, 9:34 Dragon, after the events of Dissent…_

It had been three years since that encounter with Fenris in the back alleys of Lowtown, and Anders still couldn't get it out of his mind. He was sure that Justice had somehow taken over his body and probably molested the Tevinter elf. It was presumably those lyrium markings that called out to the Fade spirit. But if that was the case, then why did Justice let Anders have control of his body again while receiving a mind-blowing blowjob from someone who claims to want to kill him?

The world just didn't make any sense to Anders at times but he tried to let it go. It was getting harder all the time whenever he went out on those jobs with Hawke and she decided to bring Fenris along as well. Cameron Hawke was a mouthy, sarcastic warrior who seemed to delight in his irritation when the elf was around.

One time, he and Fenris were arguing about mages, _again_, when Hawke said, "Maker's balls, you two! Go get a room and fuck each others brains out! I'm tired of seeing the two of you dance around each other!"

That happened only a couple of days ago when the warrior agreed to help out with Ser Alric's '_Tranquil Solution_'. His breathing became labored when he nearly killed that mage girl and he tightened his fists. A sharp pain lanced his hand and he realized that he still held a small knife in his grasp. Muttering a few choice curses, he went over to a wash basin that still had some relatively clean water in it and rinsed the cut.

One of the doors to his clinic opened, but he didn't turn around to see who it was. "Whoever you are, unless it's a life or death emergency, I'm done for the night," Anders stated loudly as he reached over the wash basin and pulled out a roll of bandages. As he began to wrap the bandage around his injured hand, he heard the door close and then locked. The mage turned around and his eyes went wide at who was there.

Fenris. The elf was here in his clinic. Anders felt his heart beat a little faster and he unconsciously took a step back. He noticed that the other's huge sword was missing, but that didn't stop the mage from backing up. For every step he took, Fenris took two. It didn't take Anders long to have his back up against a wall with the elf right in front of him.

"What…what do you want?" Anders asked, trying to keep his fear and uneasiness out of his voice.

Forest green eyes bored into warm amber as if trying to find something to latch onto. The eyes glanced down and saw the bandage on the mage's hand. Fenris' gloved hand reached down and grasped Anders' injured one. He inspected it for a moment and then looked into the other's eyes once again.

"Hypocrite," the elf hissed angrily, his eyes narrowing. "All mages are alike…lying bastards who _only_ think of themselves and consort with demons."

Anders' tried to pull his hand away but to no avail. The elf was physically stronger. "What do you mean? This was an accident! Do you _really_ believe that I would resort to blood magic?" He sighed and closed his eyes. "Nothing I say will help, will it? Go ahead…kill me. I deserve it for what nearly happened to that girl. I guess I really am an…_abomination_."

Fenris immediately let go of the other's hand and looked away. He then hesitantly raised his gloved hand and cupped Anders' cheek. "You heard me. You broke free of that demon's…yes, _demon_ and do not give me that look, _mage_. You broke free when I…"

"When you threatened to break my heart." Anders' searched the elf's eyes and saw pain within those green depths. "Why then…why save me when you hate me?"

"I…hurt…right here, when I cannot see you," Fenris stated when he removed his hand from the mage and placed it on his chest. "I cannot stand you, and yet, this pain…"

Taking a chance, Anders gently put his hand on the other's. "I've always felt this, Fenris…especially since that night in Lowtown three years ago. It's called love."

**XXXX**

In the three years since the confession, both Fenris and Anders still sniped at each other, still argued with one another. However, one never went without the other. If Hawke brought Anders along for a job, Fenris was sure to come as well, even if he wasn't invited. The mess with the Qunari and then killing Danarius showed the both of them that they will always be together and that they do no belong to anyone, just to each other.

Even when the Chantry exploded and Anders said that there was no compromise between Mages and Templars, Fenris stood by his mage. Even when Hawke sided with the Templars while her betrothed, Sebastian Vael, called for Anders' death, Fenris stood by his mage.

However, before the elf could stop Hawke, she already plunged a knife deep into Anders' back. He glared at the woman he once called a friend. "I will not help you, _Champion_," Fenris hissed. "Go before I kill you!"

The warrior's own green eyes narrowed and swiftly turned around, beckoning to all to follow her down to the gallows. She did not notice in her haste that two of her companions weren't following her. A clean-shaven dwarf and a Dalish elf stayed behind. The female elf, Merrill, knelt beside Anders' prone body and looked at the knife as she tugged it out as gently as she could.

Merril took in a deep breath and glanced up at the former slave. "I hope you have some healing potions. I'm not good at healing. At all. I once tried healing a halla but I only made things worse and the Keeper…"

"Stop your incessant rambling, Merrill, and _help_ Anders!"

The Dalish nodded and the glow of healing magic began to infuse both her and Anders. It took a few minutes but she managed to heal her friend. She looked up and gave Fenris a shy smile when she saw the look of relief on his face.

"Broody, lets get you, Blondie and Daisy out of here," Varric intoned, his sharp eyes darting around the area. "I fear that Choir Boy will realize that Daisy and I aren't with them. I don't like where this is going, so I think you and Blondie will be stuck with me for the time being."

"And me too!" Merrill piped up, smiling at everyone.

Fenris only nodded gratefully, even at the foolish blood mage. He gingerly picked Anders unconscious form bridal-style as nodded at the dwarf to lead them to safety. Years ago, in the clinic in Darktown, Anders made a promise that the elf intended to keep…

_After the confession, Anders and Fenris knew nothing else but each other. Robes and armor came off in a fit of passion and they spent hours showing one another the depths of their emotions. After their shared desire slackened, for the moment, Anders leaned over his new lover and gently traced the lyrium markings on Fenris' face._

"_Promise me, Anders…" Fenris began as he stared into warm amber eyes. "Promise me that this pain, this love…that we will feel it together."_

_The blonde smiled gently at the elf and gave him a quick kiss. "I promise you that I will climb mountains, I that will walk deserts for us. Without this pain of love, nothing is worth living."_

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><p><strong>AN<strong>: Finally finished…took longer than I expected. But I wanted to finish this for _Brelaina_ and she's the goddess of Fenders stories…XD

**Edit 15 Sept '11**: Just fixed a couple of minor errors.


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